Seven Simple Ways to Speak the Truth in Love

Christians desire, rightly, to speak the truth in love. We care too much for people’s souls to stand by silently as they pursue sin, buckle under false teaching, or race toward hell. Because of this, we speak truth to them – in person, on social media, and in sermons.

If we change a single consonant, we get it all wrong. Paul exhorts us in Ephesians 4:15 that we should be speaking the truth in love, but somehow, we imagine that speaking the truth is love. Did you catch that? Only a single letter changes, but with it, so does our entire apologetic outlook.

What this means is that it is possible to speak the truth without love. So how can we speak the truth in love? Here are seven simple suggestions.

#1 – Speak the truth.

This is obvious, but let’s not take it for granted. You need to speak the truth, because true love requires it. Don’t assume that true love will repress the truth. This may necessitate difficult conversations or painful encounters, but that is the way of true love.

#2 – Ponder your motives.

Before you ever speak a word of truth, consider the soul of your audience. Do you actually care for them? Or do you merely need to win ‘gospel points’ or ‘evangelism cred’ in your conversation? Are you motivated more by self-interest (a desire to maintain a certain reputation or win an argument)? Do you enjoy ‘stirring the pot,’ or do you genuinely desire to see Christ magnified?

#3 – Foster genuine love.

There are several ways that you can foster genuine love. Praying for your audience – and praying that God would teach you to love them – is powerful. Pondering their eternal fate is sure to have an effect. You can even consider how you once needed the truth yourself, and imagine how you were once like them.

#4 – Adapt to the context.

When you go to ‘speak the truth in love,’ recognize that you are speaking to a unique individual at a unique point in time. Don’t declare truth in standard, pre-fabricated ways. Customize your words to that person and that time. Don’t aim merely to present the truth, but to convince them of the truth. Be persuasive. Your goal is not to drop a ‘truth bomb,’ but to actually blow up the ‘falsehood bunker’ – and that requires persuasion.

#5 – Remain gentle.

Whatever you do, match the tenor of your words to the compassion of your heart. This doesn’t mean that you can’t be strict. Jesus was strict when he spoke to Nicodemus. But it does require that you are gentle. Jesus demonstrated this when speaking to individual Pharisees. Even his tirades against Pharisaic hypocrisy were done in a broad context in order to demonstrate to his audience the danger of false worship – but never do we find the Savior to utter a fierce word in private conversation. It is a reminder of what Charles Spurgeon said: “If you are drawn into controversy, use very hard arguments and very soft words.”

#6 – Don’t confuse passion with godly zeal.

Godly zeal is passionate, but not every passion is godly. The Bible is replete with examples of men who were passionate – even for godly things – but whose actions were dishonoring to God. In Luke 9, Jesus goes through a village, but the inhabitants never invite him to stay. James and John are aghast. Not only are the villagers Samaritans (whom James and John consider to be outside of God’s covenant), but they don’t even have the decency to offer hospitality to Jesus – God’s chosen Messiah! This was too much for the disciples, and in a fit of indignation, they ask Jesus for permission to call down fire from heaven. But Jesus rebuked them. They were zealous, even passionate about godly things. But their zeal was misplaced. Biblical zeal is more like that described in Psalm 119:136 – “My eyes shed streams of tears, because people do not keep your law.” As John Newton rhymed: “True zeal is merciful and mild; can pity and forbear; / The false is headstrong, fierce and wild, and breathes revenge and war.”

#7 – Be patient.

When we speak truth, we want to see results – immediately! When that fails, we are inclined to give up and move on. Thankfully, God did not work this way with us. Most Christians heard the gospel scores of times before they were converted. True love does not nag, but neither does it give up after the first try. To truly love someone is to care for them past their first rejection of truth.

James warned his audience against being ‘hearers’ of the Word, and not ‘doers.’ This is the great danger of knowing how to speak the truth in love – we forget it when we post on Facebook, engage in tweets, and hammer out emails. Instead, let’s demonstrate our character as ambassadors of the King of Love.