Guest Post: Don’t Resolve – Retreat

This is a guest post by Elizabeth Clevenger. I’m excited to share her insights into personal retreats and I’m sure you will benefit greatly from this!

I love personal retreats. I look forward to them almost as much as I look forward to vacation. They provide much peace of mind and rest to my soul, as well as confidence and excitement for the future. I have done them in and out of town, in fast food environments and majestic libraries. In poorer years, I would retreat at a friend’s house, in her dining room, drinking coffee I brought from home. During the Covid-19 shutdowns, I did my retreats on picnic tables at public parks, drinking bottled coffee from the store and spending precious retreat time driving to the only open bathroom in the area. What inspired me to be so dedicated? The ever-richer benefits of identity-based personal retreating.

Practical Impact

Personal retreating can produce immediate benefits, starting from the very first retreat you do. As you gain experience and develop your own style of retreat, the benefits will continue to increase. Here are some ways that I have practically benefited from personal retreats over the years:

• Clear thinking
• Less stress
• Solid decision-making
• Productive budgeting
• Faster decision-making
• Well-managed household
• Self-awareness
• Improved health
• Freedom to say “yes”
• Thoughtful reasons to say “no”
• Fewer (and shorter!) to-do lists
• Easier scheduling
• Personal development
• Increased motivation
• Clear purpose
• Flexibility/adaptability
• Accountability
• Efficiency
• Creativity
• Critical thinking
• Realistic living
• Encouragement from progress
• Reasons to buy colored pens and drink nice coffee

Spiritual Impact

As a Christian, I strive to pursue faithfulness with my Lord in all that I do. My retreats are Bible-based, structured after a believer’s identity in Christ. Yes, the areas I cover have changed and morphed over the years – but each change has brought my thinking more in line with my Savior’s will. Here are some spiritual benefits I have enjoyed:

• God-awareness
• Confident obedience
• Awareness of sin
• Gospel transformation
• Structure for repentance
• Comprehensive integrity
• Godly response to circumstances
• Contentment
• Less guilt
• Productive prayer life
• Structure for input from others
• Joyful pursuits
• Desire for growth
• Wisdom and understanding
• Boldness
• No lingering “I shoulds”
• Perseverance under pressure
• Honesty with myself and others
• Godly vigor
• Greater love in relationships
• Faithful evangelism
• Freedom to be fully devoted

Identity-Based Retreating

The inspiration for an identity-based retreat came from the book by Carolyn Mahaney et al, Shopping for Time: How To Do It All and Not Be Overwhelmed. Using shopping as a vivid analogy, the authors describe the scenario:

While we constantly – almost unconsciously – plan, evaluate, strategize, and make wise choices when shopping, we often neglect to do so with the most important matters of our lives. We wouldn’t dream of going to the grocery store without a shopping list, or buying a car without haggling over the sticker price, or purchasing new shoes without checking the price tag, but we throw away our time as if we had an endless supply. 

As a result, we often miss out on the best deals life has to offer and end up paying big time in guilt, anxiety, and a lack of confidence that we’re really doing the will of God. More often than not we’re overwhelmed by life’s choices and demands. Perhaps most unfortunately, we lack fruitfulness in Christ’s kingdom.

But it doesn’t have to be like this. We can know – with absolute certainty – that we are doing all God wants us to do. Peace and joy and rest can be an everyday experience. We can live a life worthy of the calling to which we have been called (Eph 4:1). And we can anticipate that future day when we will hear those words – “Well done, good and faithful servant…. Enter into the joy of your master” (Matt. 25:21). [1]

Expounding on Eph. 5:15-16, they urge the reader: “We are not to trudge blindly or routinely through our days. We shouldn’t just let life happen and try to deal with the results, be what they may. … We must develop keen eyes. We must examine our lives.” [2]  So how do I know what to examine? 

Biblically speaking, there are eleven areas of Christian identity that I cover on each retreat. The list below is personalized for my current circumstances but could be adapted for any believer in any situation. This is the beauty of an identity-based retreat – it has the flexibility to adapt to any earthly circumstance and the strong, stabilizing rebar of biblical truth and obedience. 

1. I am a Christian – Love God (Matt 22:37-38, John 17:3, Gal 2:20, Phil 1:21, 3:7, Col 3:4)
2. I am a Woman – Be Female (Gen 1:27, Genesis 2)
3. I am Unmarried – Be Single [3] (Psa 37:3, 1 Corinthians 7, 2 Cor 12:8-10)
4. I am a Family Member – Honor Parents/Love Neighbor (Matt 22:39-40, Eph 6:1-3, Gal 6:10)
5. I am a Sinner – Fellowship (Exod 18:13-27, Acts 18:24ff, Gal 2:11ff, Heb 3:12-13, Jms 5:19-20)
6. I am a Saint – Be a Church Member (Romans 12, Ephesians 4, Colossians 3)
7. I am an Evangelist – Preach the Gospel (Matt 28:19-20, Acts 1:7-8, Rom 10:14-15)
8. I am an Employee – Work With Excellence (Gen 2:15, Eph 4:28, 6:5-9, Col 3:23-24)
9. I am a Creature – Take Care of the Body (Genesis 1 and 2, 1 Cor 6:13, 1 Thess 4:4, 1 Tim 4:8)
10. I am Relational – Be a Friend (Gen 2:18, Prov 18:24, 27:6, Eccl 4:9-12, John 17:22-26)
11. I am Human – Manage Home & Household (Gen 1:26-31, Prov 14:1, Rom 13:1-7, 1 Tim 3:5)

Retreat!

This is where it really helps to know yourself and your options. I find that an entire day away produces the best results for me. I usually do something fun or relaxing in the morning and then eat somewhere quick for lunch. After lunch, I buy coffee, find a big table in a public space (coffee shop, bookstore, library), ask for God’s help and blessing, and then spend the next three to four hours going through the areas above.

This pattern is always effective for me. It is also very easy to customize based on my current budget, etc. If I do a retreat for my birthday or a holiday, I might choose options that are more special or pricey. Sometimes I incorporate a personal retreat into a vacation. At the end of this year, I plan to do my first group personal retreat with three trusted ladies from my church and follow a similar pattern as I do alone. [4]

Again, know yourself and the options available to you. If you are married, consult with your spouse. In the case of the Mahaney ladies, “Dad sent [Mom] away for twenty-four hours to study God’s Word, read encouraging motherhood books, and devise solutions for her challenging season.” [5] For others, only a few hours may be sufficient. Don’t be afraid to experiment – your retreats will get much better with time. 

For each identity point, I begin asking myself “Shopping For Time”-like questions:

How have I grown recently? 

What is going well?

Is there anything obvious that needs attention? 

What have I been convicted about recently?

Do I have unanswered questions? 

What is uppermost on my mind right now? What do I want?

Am I complacent in this area?

Has something changed that requires creative adapting? 

Am I guilty or failing and in need of a better approach in this area? 

What’s an area that I have not chosen in the past year or two to emphasize? 

Do my circumstances require a certain emphasis right now?

This is where the rubber meets the road. Be completely honest with yourself and God. If you have a question, confusion, or complacency in an area, it may be helpful to read Scripture or an online article on the spot. Then I write down one goal for each area. This goal is to be accomplished by the next retreat – they change each time based on changes in growth or circumstance or desire. 

Below the goal, I write out the means to that end (usually several bullet points). This part is very specific, with names, dates, times, locations, dollar signs. If an appointment or meeting is involved then text the person or register online while you are sitting there. Have your calendar handy and add it to your schedule.

Note: goals can include “Maintain what I am currently doing” (and list that out) or jot down some ideas for future goals. Other times my goal is: “Devote x amount of time to this area each week.” If you choose the time bucket option, you have avoided both an unnecessary to-do list and the pitfall of getting bogged down with planning. Make a short to-do list when your time bucket rolls around and knock it out then!

By the time I walk away from a retreat, every goal is implemented, either into my calendar or schedule or budget. That is another beautiful thing about an identity-based retreat. Your goals are incorporated into daily life immediately. Desired change or areas of conviction should not be tacked at the end of a never-ending wishlist. They should move straight into your schedule and budget. Lord-willing, on your next retreat, you can thank God for the changes and be eager to set out new goals.

How Do I Know When To Retreat?

That is an excellent question. There are a few factors to consider (I have used them all from time to time):

• Before or after a major life change (new job, new church, move, graduation, etc.)
• On your birthday and/or holidays
• On vacation
• In response to spiritual growth/need
• In response to a trial or loss
• In response to awareness that a major change is needed that impacts every life area
• When you have completed your goals or feel like you are outgrowing most of them

Other than the factors above, I would recommend retreating every three to six months if personal retreating is new to you, or if your life has a lot of change and unpredictability at the moment. You could also retreat once a year – that might be a better fit on occasion. In that case, your means to achieve each goal would need to be broken down into smaller monthly and even weekly goals and reviewed regularly. 

But again, if retreating is new to you, I would suggest more frequent retreats. It takes experience and self-knowledge to put together that many goals and realistically expect them to succeed. I have been doing personal retreats every three to six months for years. This New Years’ was the first time I set my goals for each area for the entire year. Be patient – an excellent personal retreat style is worth the experience it takes to develop. 

Landing the Plane

Finally, I like to end the day by treating myself to supper at a nice restaurant and then an interesting movie. My personal retreat information is placed in a visible location in my home, and I review it weekly. If changes or improvements are made, I note them on the retreat pages. I also find myself eagerly reaching for the calendar, excited to save the date for my next almost-as-good-as-a-vacation personal retreat.

Items to Have On Hand (Physical or Electronic)

• Bible
• Budget
• Calendar
• Phone and phone charger
• Schedule (planner, paper and pencil, whatever)
• Previous retreat notes/budget/schedule for reference
• Any gift cards, tickets, apparel, etc. you may need for your retreat
• Any resources for examination (sermon notes, book, article, if desired)
• Prayer support: notify a few close Christian friends and family so they can pray for your time
• Place to record personal retreat goals and means (phone, laptop, tablet, paper and pencil, planner, colored pens, journal, notebook, whatever will work for you)
• Anything else you may need for total success (information, whiteout, extra paper, earbuds, charging cord, the name of that one article someone recommended to you last week…)

There is always enough time to do the will of God.

[1] Carolyn Mahaney et al, Shopping for Time: How To Do It All and Not Be Overwhelmed (Crossway: Wheaton, IL, 2007), 17.

[2] Ibid., 18.

[3] Note: I am not saying that a single must remain single or that it is more godly to stay single. My intention is to exhort myself and others to be devoted to their current marital status, regardless of whether they hope to marry (if single).

[4] Credit for this idea goes to Sebastian Traeger and Greg Gilbert, The Gospel at Work: How the Gospel Gives New Purpose and Meaning to our Jobs (Zondervan: Grand Rapids, MI, 2014), 169ff.

[5] Mahaney, Shopping, 52.

Elizabeth Clevenger is a member of Summit Woods Baptist Church in Lee’s Summit, MO. She has a bachelor’s degree in Music Performance and a master’s degree in Biblical Counseling, both from Calvary University. Elizabeth, a certified biblical counselor, enjoys serving her church in the areas of evangelism, music, and counseling, and works on staff at Summit Woods as administrative assistant.

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