Four Biblical Truths about Friendship

Friendship and community is an integral part of the Christian life. Unfortunately, like with all things, it is easy for us to ‘conformed to this world’ (Romans 12:2) and the pattern of friendship that it teaches. Biblical truth about this important subject helps us to renew our minds so that we can think about friends the way that God does.

#1 – We were made for community

As early as Genesis 2, God’s plan for humans to live in community becomes obvious:“Then the LORD God said, ‘It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.’” (Gen 2:18). This verse is spoken in the context of marriage, so it is not primarily meant to describe the importance of friendship and community. However, it contains a key truth that is affirmed by the rest of Scripture: man was created for community.

The effects of sin to destroy community appear only shortly afterward: the relationship of Cain and Abel, who had the potential to be best friends, is ruined by sin.

Some people feel that they are different, and they don’t want to be around others. Solomon speaks directly to this in Proverbs 18:1 – “Whoever isolates himself seeks his own desire; he breaks out against all sound judgment.” Excessive isolation, then, is a sign of selfishness and foolishness.

#2 – Friendship exists because Jesus has made peace

Although God intended humans to live in community, with healthy friendships, friendship is not actually ‘normal’ for unbelievers. Paul describes the natural man’s condition in this way: “For we ourselves were once foolish, disobedient, led astray, slaves to various passions and pleasures, passing our days in malice and envy, hated by others and hating one another.” (Titus 3:3)

The problem for friendship is that there is hostility. This hostility is both horizontal and vertical. Vertical hostility exists between God and man; horizontal hostility exists between individuals.

Praise God – Jesus removed the vertical hostility through his death on the cross – “in Christ God was reconciling the world to himself, not counting their trespasses against them” (2 Corinthians 5:19).

This means that we are now able to have the most important friendship. Jesus says, “No longer do I call you servants, for the servant does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all that I have heard from my Father I have made known to you.” (John 15:15) This is further confirmed in Psalm 25:14 – “The friendship of the LORD is for those who fear him, and he makes known to them his covenant.” (Psalm 25:14)

It is only once vertical friendship is initiated that God-glorifying horizontal friendship between humans can be built. Paul explains that the divisions that exist between men are removed through the cross; even the greatest divide – the racial/ethnic hostility that defines human tensions throughout history – is removed through Jesus’ blood. This is seen clearly in Ephesians 2-3. Paul argues that renewed humanity is joined into ‘one body.’

Since renewed humanity is joined into one body, the church becomes the center of the Christian’s community. In fact, it should be the locus of friendships, the place were all aspects of friendship can be put into practice. This isn’t to say that friendships are limited to the local church, but it should be the main ‘factory’ of Christian friendships.

#3 – Godly friends help you to heaven

The purpose of friendship is not merely to have a good time; friends are a blessing from heaven meant to prepare you for it!

Friends provide encouragement: “A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.” (Pro 17:17) Friends have helped me at some of my hardest times in life, given me a listening ear, encouraged me, pointed me to Jesus and the truth of Jesus.

Friends challenge you: “Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another.” (Pro 27:17) Because friends are not perfect, they can help each other improve. However, this means that we shouldn’t be overly critical of friends, or refuse friendships with imperfect people. They will disappoint you, but that doesn’t need to end your friendship.

I’ve known too many people who veered off into serious sin or even outright apostasy. Because of this, I personally recognize the importance of friends who can point out when I am starting to go in a wrong direction. I intentionally live my life around and in front of other people so that I can have these people around me.

Friends function, then, in the same role as the church: as a peer pressure group for good. They help us to fly ‘straight and level’ on the course to heaven.

#4 – Not all friendships are desirable

Although no one is perfect, this doesn’t mean that anyone should be your friend. Beware of certain kinds of friends!

Some friends just want something from you: “The poor is disliked even by his neighbor, but the rich has many friends.” (Proverbs 14:20) “Many seek the favor of a generous man, and everyone is a friend to a man who gives gifts.” (Proverbs 19:6)

Some friends will lead you astray. Paul warns us sternly: “Do not be deceived: ‘Bad company ruins good morals.’” (1 Co 15:33)

For example, the Bible specifically highlights angry people as those that you should avoid: “Make no friendship with a man given to anger, nor go with a wrathful man, lest you learn his ways and entangle yourself in a snare.” (Proverbs 22:24-25)

The example of David is also instructive. Although king of Israel, and able to surround himself with rich and famous and influential people, David’s criteria for friendship was different. Notice how he described it: “I will look with favor on the faithful in the land, that they may dwell with me; he who walks in the way that is blameless shall minister to me. No one who practices deceit shall dwell in my house; no one who utters lies shall continue before my eyes.” (Psalm 101:6-7)

We’ve often heard that you are the average of the four or five people that you spend the most time around. What does that make you?

I would recommend that you include in your friend group some people who are older than you – they will give you a perspective that you don’t naturally have. Also, include some who are younger than you – they help keep you aware of the perspectives of younger people, and also affect your perspective.

If you notice that you have a friend that you shouldn’t have, then be wise with how you approach the friendship. They don’t have to become an enemy – but you should gradually disentangle yourself from spending too much time around them.

Stay tuned for the next section – Six Guidelines for Developing Biblical Friendship

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